In this episode, I chat with Kirsten about two sexual assaults that happened to her – one that she hid for nearly 40 years. We also talked about her husband’s porn addiction and the shocking truth that it revealed about her. Kirsten also talked about her experience with a miscarriage. She offers lots of great advice on how to make your marriage strong and how to get through a pornography addiction.*

When Kirsten thinks back on her childhood, she says it was pretty ideal. She felt very safe and loved and supported. Except for one instance – she was sexually assaulted at the age of 9. Kirsten hid that secret for nearly 40 years. She was assaulted for a second time when she was in College and the Dean that she told made her feel like it was her fault – that she had either made it up or set it up. “The very first things you say to someone in this situation can be critical.” In this portion of the episode, Kirsten gives great advice on how to talk to a child that has been sexually assaulted.

Kirsten met her husband in College. They married and moved so he could finish his degree, but Kirsten could not find a job. So they agreed for her husband to work and do school part-time, so Kirsten could go back to school and finish another portion of hers. During that time, Kirsten got pregnant with their first child. At the age of 5, Kirsten’s husband was exposed to pornography and later in their marriage, when the internet became available to everyone, it really became a problem. Kirsten caught her husband looking at porn one night and it really shook her. She thought their life was pretty good. He was a good husband and father to their three children. Kirsten admits she did not handle it well, but did just sweep it under the rug and tried to forget about it.

Several years later, her husband was caught looking at porn at work. His job was in jeopardy because of this. Kirsten was devastated. With the help of some great friends, Kirsten’s husband was able to put together a plan and ask for approval from his work so that he could keep his job. Luckily, they accepted. Kirsten felt like she had been attacked to her very core. She was feeling incredibly insecure with herself and all of the “I am not _______ enoughs” were popping up left and right.

Kirsten and her husband began to meet with a team of 6 people, referred to as “The Restoration Team.” They also did intensive marriage counseling. It was a week long, four hours each day counseling session. During this time, they were to do a series of tests to make sure there was no underlying disorders that would need to be addressed during this recovery. Kirsten was never worried about herself. Her husband’s addiction was the reason they were doing this. But when the test results came back, Kirsten was confronted with a very blunt question. Come to find out, she was very suicidal and depressed. The counselor recommended she get immediate help. She was to see the doctor right away or else the counselor would have to admit her to the Psych Ward.

Luckily, Kirsten and her husband were able to get the help they needed – together and separately. They are still married to this day and have found out their triggers. They no longer watch or read anything that has any sexual content. They research every movie before they watch. Kirsten also said they fight now more than ever because they actually get to the bottom of things, instead of just complying with one another and sweeping things to the wayside.

Kirsten also tells her experience with having a miscarriage. It was their second child. Kirsten had been really sick with bronchitis. Her mom was in town taking care of their first baby because Kirsten couldn’t and her husband had to work. Late one night, Kirsten just knew something was wrong. She called her doctor and he said to get to the hospital immediately. As they pulled up, Kirsten started to hemorrhage. They had to do an emergency D&C and warned her that she may not wake up. When she did awake, she experienced something that she will never forget.

Because of all these things that had happened to Kirsten, it led her to become and author. She now coaches women who are dealing with their spouse’s porn addiction. Kirsten and her husband also speak to recovery groups.

Listen to the full episode to hear all the details.

*Please note: this is the guest’s story. Their story is how they perceive it. It is not my judgement or responsibility to determine whether or not this story and the things said are true. Please be open minded when listening to/reading these stories.

LINKS TO THINGS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
-Kirsten’s book: Choosing a Way Out: When the Bottom isn’t the Bottom
-Kirsten’s free e-book: 10 Warning Signs Your Gut Already Knows
–Kirsten’s website
–IMDb
–The Case for Christ book
-Kirsten’s favorite product: Lilly’s chocolate
-Kirsten’s song recommendation: Overcomer by Mandisa (listen on the Hard Knocks guest list on Spotify)
-My ending song recommendation: Crossroads by I Prevail (listen on the Hard Knocks playlist on Spotify)
-Follow Kirsten via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them to fit our own image, otherwise, we love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” – Thomas Martin

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