In this episode, I chat with Michelle about how at 18 years old, she finally learned the truth. The truth about the man she had always known as dad. He wasn’t really her dad. To the outsiders, that was totally obvious because he was black and she was white, but she had grown up always thinking this was her father, despite the differences in their skin color. This led to an identity crisis and some anxiety. Michelle has struggled with all of the unknowns.*
Michelle was born in Germany, as was her mother. Michelle’s parents married when she was 11 months old. Her father was in the Army, so she refers to herself as an “Army brat” and says they moved around a lot. They finally settled in North Carolina during her High School years. During the time leading into College, Michelle discovered something that would turn her world upside down. “We wanted to tell you, but we were afraid that if we told you, we would lose you.”
At 18 years old, Michelle had finally learned the truth. Something she’d known all along, but it had never been confirmed. “I am not your biological father.” To outsiders, it was very obvious. He was black and she was white. Her siblings were mixed, but she was not. All of her life, Michelle had searched for paperwork saying she was adopted or that he was not her biological father, but there was none. To finally learn the truth, Michelle was able to start healing.
Shortly after this, Michelle’s life took a detour, as she put it. Michelle found someone that she felt safe with and could trust. Michelle’s emotional state made her vulnerable and unfortunately, this person did not respect the boundaries she had and ultimately, she was taken advantage of. This event led to some struggles in her marriage, but luckily, Michelle and her husband are a great team and work through the struggles.
I believe the thing that bothers Michelle most is all of the unknowns. Medical history is a big one. And the face that she has two amazing sons whom her biological father doesn’t even know exist. She has done ancestry with her DNA to try to find her biological father or someone from his side of the family, but unfortunately, it did not yield any results.
Listen to the full episode for all the details.
*Please note: this is the guest’s story. Their story is how they perceive it. It is not my judgement or responsibility to determine whether or not this story and the things said are true. Please be open minded when listening to/reading these stories.
LINKS TO THINGS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
–A Walk in the Clouds movie
-Jenessa, episode 15 and episode 16
–Josie’s episode on finding out her dad was not actually her biological dad
–The Primal Wound book
–Three Identical Strangers movie
-Michelle’s favorite book: Sacred Marriage
-Michelle’s favorite product: DoTerra oils
-Michelle’s song recommendations: YMCA, Uptown Funk and The Chicken Dance (listen on the Hard Knocks guest list on Spotify)
-My ending song recommendation: Amnesia by 5 Seconds of Summer (listen on the Hard Knocks playlist on Spotify)
–Michelle’s photography Instagram
There are two ways to be happy: change the situation or change your mindset towards it.
QUESTIONS FOR YOU TO THINK ABOUT:
(I’d love to know your answer(s) in the comments below or on Facebook or Instagram.)
-When is the right time to tell your child that their parent is not actually biologically their parent?
-How do you approach this situation?
If you have your own story to tell, please email me or click the “Share Your Story” tab at the top of the page.