In this episode, I chat with Carolina (care-oh-lee-nuh) about how she grew up in poverty with her mother, who also suffered from OCD and bipolar disorder. Carolina always knew she was a mistake and carried a lot of blame around from things her mother would say. Carolina suffered sexual assault by her grandfather, moved out of the house when she was 16 with two garbage bags and eventually cut ties with both of her parents.*
Carolina was born to a 19 year old mother. She says they grew up more like siblings than a mother-daughter type of relationship. Carolina often took the parental role, which forced her to grow up faster than most. It was made very clear to Carolina that she was a mistake and was not wanted by her mother. Carolina carried a lot of blame on her shoulders from her mother – she was the reason her mom never amounted to anything and why they didn’t have anything nice and why they struggled financially.
Carolina’s parents separated when she was 1 and divorced when she was 2. They did get back together when she was 7 and had an on-off relationship until Carolina was 12. At that point, the ties were cut. Carolina and her mother moved to a different province. Carolina believes this was a trigger for her mother’s bipolar disorder. Carolina always knew her mom had OCD tendencies, but didn’t realize that’s what they were until later in life. She thought her quirks were just that. It was just a normal thing for them.
After they moved, the relationship between Carolina and her mother got worse. Nothing Carolina did was ever good enough and everything was always her fault. Carolina and her mother had lots of help financially from the government. They were dirt poor. But her dad, on the other hand, was quite wealthy. Carolina is thankful that she had the experiences on both sides because now, as an adult, she can appreciate things more because she had literally nothing growing up.
Carolina was sexually assaulted by her maternal grandfather from ages 8-10. It started as a game where he was just testing her limits, each time, pushing it a little farther and farther back. Finally, her mother was able to put the pieces together and figure out what was going on. She actually went to court and years later, Carolina learned that he was found guilty.
Carolina moved out of her mom’s house when she was only 16 years old. She left with literally just two garbage bags full of her belongings and never looked back. She didn’t talk to her mom for about a year and a half. At that time, Carolina reached out to her. It was like that for years – Carolina always was the one reaching out. Her mom would only contact her if she needed something. At 23, Carolina had to cut the ties with her mom because the relationship was so toxic. She had to do the same with her father about a year ago.
Carolina is now a life coach. She actually defines herself as a confidence and life purpose coach. She focuses on three Cs: confidence, clarity and creation.
Listen to the full episode for all the details.
*Please note: this is the guest’s story. Their story is how they perceive it. It is not my judgement or responsibility to determine whether or not this story and the things said are true. Please be open minded when listening to/reading these stories.
LINKS TO THINGS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
–Automatic/digital counting piggy bank
-Carolina’s favorite books: Gypsy Summer (there were a couple different ones and I am not sure which is correct – so no link) and Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
–Simply Sadie Jane’s Tony story
-Carolina’s favorite products: Pixi Glow Tonic Toner and Asana Project Management
-Carolina’s song recommendation: Human Right by The Strike (listen on the Hard Knocks guest list on Spotify)
-My ending song recommendation: Caught in the Sun by Course of Nature (listen on the Hard Knocks playlist on Spotify)
How they make you feel says a lot about them and not about you. Trust me when I say “someone who makes you question if you are worthy of being loved is not worthy of being loved by you.”
If you have your own story to tell, please email me or click the “Share Your Story” tab at the top of the page.