In this episode, I chat with one of my sweet friends, Carly. We talk about how she grew up having divorced parents with siblings of all different ages. We get into her College experience and how she met her daughter’s father, which turned out to be a very toxic, horrible relationship. Carly was literally scared for her life at some times during this relationship. Luckily, she was able to leave before she was seriously hurt and is now a single mom.*
Carly’s parents divorced when she was one, so all she remembers is having a mom and a dad in two separate homes. At her mom’s house, she was the oldest and at her dad’s house, she was the youngest because her dad had married a lady with two children.
Carly talks about going to a couple different Colleges and how she met new friends. She said it was so nice to get out of her Sevier County shell and be able to start over. No one knew who you were and you could be whoever you wanted. While she was living in Cedar City, going to school at SUU, she got on a dating site and met the guy that would become her “sperm donor.”
Things were on and off for about a year. He was always the one to break up with her and he was always the one to beg her back. “By this time, I was in love with him.” When Carly graduated, he asked her to move in with him, so she did. “At this point, things were very bad. He was very controlling and manipulative.” There was no trust from him. Carly would have to constantly send him pictures of where she was and who she was with. When he was home, he was always drunk. Carly would go to bed by herself because he had passed out hours before. He wouldn’t let her talk to anyone – he would constantly check her phone. She could leave only a few minutes before she had to work and had to be right home after work. If she was a few minutes late getting home, she was questioned. He would put her down constantly. “I didn’t even dare go into the kitchen to get something to eat because he would say ‘you’re hungry already?’ or ‘should you really be eating that?'” He completely isolated her from her friends and family. “I was up in the night if I thought I could go home for the weekend.”
After a crazy day and some abuse, he went to jail. Carly’s mom was coming to get her to help her move home. The next day, he got out of jail and had all the right things to say, so Carly went back to him. They ended up moving to northern Idaho. He promised Carly he would stop drinking, but as soon as they pulled up, his friend handed him a beer. When Carly confronted him about it, he told her he never stopped.
Every night, on the way home from work, Carly would have to stop at the liquor store and buy him a bottle. Him and his friend would not go to bed until every drop of the alcohol was gone.
One night, Carly realized that she had not started her period. She told the wife of her boyfriend’s friend they were living with and they went to the store to get a pregnancy test. She took it and it was positive. The wife made her husband come upstairs so Carly and her boyfriend could be alone. Carly showed him the test and he freaked completely out and then left. Another night, Carly decided she couldn’t do it anymore. While he was sleeping in the backyard with his friend, she packed up her car and left. Eventually, he ended up moving back down to Mesquite and they decided to try and work it out, again. He came to stay with Carly before she had the baby. While she was in the hospital, he would leave in her car for hours, spend her money on liquor and then come back drunk. He wouldn’t be there if her family was there and vice versa.
A couple weeks later, he went back home. His parents flew Carly and her baby out to see them so they could meet the baby. The guy was under the impression that they were still together, trying to work things out. Carly was not thinking that at all. She had been talking to another guy and was doing her own thing. While she was flying home from a work trip in Dallas, he had changed his status on Facebook to engaged. When she got off the plane, her family was blowing up her phone, freaking out. He had hacked into her Facebook and saw that she had been talking to another guy and in turn, posted nude photos of her on a Facebook post, as well as sent her family some pictures. From that point on, Carly has done her best to maintain no contact from him. She is focusing on being the best mom she can be.
Listen to the full episode to hear all the details.
*Please note: this is the guest’s story. Their story is how they perceive it. It is not my judgement or responsibility to determine whether or not this story and the things said are true. Please be open minded when listening to/reading these stories.
KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:
-Some red flags Carly can see now, looking back: he never came to see her – she was always going to him. He never met her friends or family. He did not trust her. Everything was his way. He checked her phone all the time. He gave her time limits.
LINKS TO THINGS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
-Carly’s favorite book: The Abundance Project by Derek Rydall and The 5 Love Languages (something we’ve talked a lot about, so if you don’t have this one yet – get it!). Carly mentions the one for kids, as well.
–Love Language quiz
-Carly’s favorite things: Moji air freshner, LipSense, Lange dry shampoo and Not Your Mother’s dry shampoo
-Carly’s song recommendation: Queen Don’t by Raelynn (listen on the Hard Knocks guest playlist on Spotify)
If you have your own story to tell, please email me or click the “Share Your Story” tab at the top of the page.