In this episode, I chat with Sharde about the sexual abuse she endured by her step-dad.*
When Sharde was about 4 or 5, she moved in with her dad. Her and her two siblings would visit their mom every other weekend and for a little while each summer. A little while later, her mom remarried. This man seemed to favor Sharde over the other two kids.
When Sharde was about 7 or 8, she went to her mom’s for the summer. Each day, Sharde had the choice to go to work with her mom or stay home with her step-dad. Usually she would go to work with her mom, but sometimes she chose to stay home. One day, she stayed home and was upstairs in the loft taking a nap when her step-dad came up and laid next to her and began to rub himself up against her. This happened a couple times. Another time she stayed home, he was watching a movie and asked Sharde to come sit on his lap. He had Sharde straddle him and then began to physically move her up against him. At this point, he had told Sharde not to tell anyone about what was going on. That was the first time she had any red flags. “Why can’t I tell my mom?” She went home shortly after that.
At Christmas time, the kids went back to their mom’s. One of those days, Sharde stayed home and while she was taking a nap, her step-dad had, again, laid by her — this time giving her a hickey. She told her mom and her mom just dismissed her. A little while later, Sharde’s mom had called her dad and asked if Sharde had said anything about it. At that point, Sharde’s dad and (step) mom Amy (she refers to her as mom, but for sake of confusion), pulled her into the room and asked what was going on. Sharde told them the truth. After this, Sharde’s mom ended up leaving the man.
Sharde and her mom’s then went to see a detective. They had decided to take it to trial. It went on for about 6 months. During the middle of all of this, Sharde’s mom actually went back to the guy! While the guy was in jail, Sharde’s mom got a divorce from him, but was never really there for Sharde after that. She was there for her brother and sister, but not her. And as I’m sure you can imagine, Sharde didn’t really want anything to do with her anyway.
Listen to the full episode for all of the details.
*Please note: this is the guest’s story. Their story is how they perceive it. It is not my judgement or responsibility to determine whether or not this story and the things said are true. Please be open minded when listening to/reading these stories.
KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:
-If you child comes to you with something huge, such as sexual abuse (or in this case, a hickey), believe them!
-Talk to your children early about their privates and how no one is to touch them or see them.
LINKS TO THINGS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
-Sharde’s favorite books: Harry Potter
-Sharde’s favorite thing (besides her daughter): AC/DC CD
-Sharde’s song recommendation: Just Like in the Movies by Jana Kramer (listen on the Hard Knocks guest list on Spotify)
-Ending song: I’m Gone by Brantley Gilbert (listen on the Hard Knocks playlist on Spotify)
“And if I could make you understand one truth, it would be this: someone who manipulates your feelings through guilt isn’t loving you. That’s an attempt to control you and that has nothing to do with love.”
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