In this episode, my friend Shilo and I chat about her marriage that happened right out of High School and shortly followed in divorce, as well as the loss of her precious son, Brink, and then one of her best friends.*
At 18, right after High School graduation, Shilo moved to Colorado, despite her family telling her to just call the wedding off, then she came home and married the person she had been dating for the last two years. Before they even got married, the relationship was rocky, but she thought they were in so much love. Pretty much right after she left Colorado to go home to help set up for the wedding, he was texting other girls asking for inappropriate things. She confronted him and he said he was done and wanted to be with her. Then, he lost his job, so they moved back to Utah with her parents. After that, he got giardia and was hospitalized for 10 or so days and then just disappeared. When she finally got a hold of him, he said it wasn’t working, so they got a divorce.
She has since met her person and they’ve been together for 7 years. About a year into that relationship, Shilo got pregnant. Unfortunately, she had a miscarriage at 9.5 weeks. Several years later, in 2018, she got pregnant again. At her early gender reveal ultrasound (16 weeks), they found out something was wrong with the baby. His face was forming to the placenta, which was causing Shilo to tear every time he grew and moved. He also had some other issues that were most likely life threatening. After another appointment with a different doctor, that doctor confirmed that he had 0% chance of viability. Shilo and her husband made the decision to stay pregnant for a little while longer and just love on him while they could. On November 30, 2018 (21 weeks and 4 days), Shilo was induced. The baby was alive right up until she was induced and then his heart rate got too high and the baby passed.
They got some genetic testing done and Shilo found out that she has a folic acid deficiency and they think that is what may have caused her miscarriage and the stillbirth of her second baby, Brink. We talk about how she gets through each day, what she needed from others after it happened and what you can do for someone who is in a similar situation.
Listen to the full episode for all the details.
*Please note: this is the guest’s story. Their story is how they perceive it. It is not my judgement or responsibility to determine whether or not this story and the things said are true. Please be open minded when listening to/reading these stories.
KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:
-If you’ve had a loss, talk about it.
-Be happy for those that still have their children and let them still experience joy. In turn, that will bring you happiness.
-There is not right way and there is no wrong way to grieve.
LINKS TO THINGS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
–Share Parents of Utah
–Heartbeat Teddy Bears
-Shilo’s favorite movie: Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates
-One of Shilo’s favorite things: Keep F*cking Going Bracelet
-Shilo’s song recommendation: Get Up by Shinedown (listen on the Hard Knocks guest playlist on Spotify)
-Ending song: If You’re Gone by Matchbox 20 (listen on the Hard Knocks playlist on Spotify)
-This wasn’t mentioned in the episode, but it is an excellent episode on dealing with grief. Everyone should have a listen.
The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not get over the loss of a loved one. You will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.
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