I am the host, Jourdan Watts. Episode 1 is about my early years and how I became a single mom.*

My parents divorced when I was a baby. My dad got custody of me because my mom wasn’t ready to be a parent yet. When I was three, my dad married my “bonus-mom.” She was 16 years old.

I was an only child at my dad’s house until I was 11 years old. My mom did have two other kids (brother is 3.5 years younger than me and sister is 6.5 years younger than me). When I was little, we lived in St. George, Utah, which was about 2.5 hours away from my mom. In first grade, we moved back “home,” where my parents grew up. My mom was now 5-10 minutes away. I did go to my mom’s every other weekend and I think every Wednesday for a while.

When I was in 5th grade, my list drastically changed. My bonus-mom and dad finally added another baby to the family and I honestly felt like I didn’t matter anymore. My mom also had another baby at this time. My brothers are exactly three weeks apart. My mom got caught with drugs and ended up having to do jail time. She would just go on the weekends until her full term had been served. So going to my mom’s every other weekend, we’d sit with a babysitter the whole time. Her husband was a truck driver, so he wasn’t home either.

Once my mom’s jail term was done, she seemed to be doing good for a minute, but she did relapse. When I would go over to her house, I was in charge of my three younger siblings. My mom would just leave and pretty much not come home until it was time for me to go back to my dad’s.

About two years ago, I finally realized the source of my guilt.. I was able to get out of that environment because I didn’t live there. But.. I had to leave my three little siblings behind. (Shaking as I type this and think about it.) They didn’t have a safe place to go because that was their home!

Finally, my mom did get cleaned up and turned herself around. She is amazing. I love my mom so much. She is truly one of my best friends. I don’t know what I would do without her.

((CLARIFICATION: I kind of talked in present tense when I was talking about my brother. I did not mean for it to sound like right now. This was all in the past.))

I was in 6th grade when I came home from school one day and sat down at the counter. I’ll never forget.. I put my face in my hands and said “I wish I was dead.” My bonus-mom freaked out and put me right in to counseling, which I absolutely hated! I hated it because I was forced to go. I love counseling now. ♥ Now that it’s my choice. My dream job is to be a counselor. At that time, I was officially diagnosed with depression.

When I was in 8th grade, it was like love at first sight haha. I had no idea who this kid was, but I told my friend (who also had a crush on him), that I was going to marry that kid someday. Cue MSN messenger and chain emails from middle school/high school days. I found this kid’s email and I added him on MSN messenger. We hung out for the first time at the light parade, on December 6, 2006. He asked me to be his girlfriend over MSN messenger on December 11, 2006.

We dated our entire 8th grade year and all four years of High School and about two years after high school. We broke up on and off probably 48 times in between all those years. The best thing that came out of this episode, besides all the hard lessons learned, was my son, Karsyn. He is hands-down the best thing that has ever happened to me.

One day during my Senior year of High School, I just had this really bad gut feeling about something going on in my relationship. I was literally watching it unfold before my eyes. I came unglued. My parents knew I was pregnant at this time, but his did not. His step-dad was my assistant principal and math teacher. I told Karsyn’s dad that if he didn’t tell his parents that I was pregnant, I would tell his step-dad myself the next day at school. This night, we ended up breaking up because I was so so so heart broken. (Still, to this day, I get physically nauseous when I see the girl. I know it takes two to tango, but I think you know what I mean.) But lo and behold, we got back together, like always.

Now we were graduated and one day in July, I heard my step-dad tell my mom that if I was going to still live at home, I would need to pay rent. So I moved out the next day. I was about 6.5/7 months pregnant at that time. I quit my job in September and had my son the end of October.

{{Wondering how an 18 year old girl could quit her job, have a baby and still have money to live? I had started my own business the summer before my Senior year of High School and I still have it to this day. Jourdan’s Jewels – women’s clothing and accessories. Use code “hardknocks” to save 15% on your entire purchase.}}

I had my son the day before my 19th birthday. We moved into another apartment a few months later. But things started to get bad again. (I actually don’t think they ever got better..) May 2013, I came home from my cousin’s graduation and told him that I wasn’t happy and I didn’t think we should be together. So Karsyn and I left and moved back in with my dad. I was having a hard time dealing with life, so we went to Oklahoma for two weeks. During this time, we agreed that we’d try to work things out again. He got a new job and the week after Karsyn and I got home, we moved four hours away from everything we had ever known. Things just still weren’t better and on August 30, I called my dad, yet again, and asked if I could come back home.

I cried every single day for nine months. My heart was so broken.

Listen to the episode for all the details.

*Please note: this is the guest’s story. Their story is how they perceive it. It is not my judgement or responsibility to determine whether or not this story and the things said are true. Please be open minded when listening to/reading these stories.

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I missed a lot of little things during this episode. I will be sure to fill you in on those as time goes on. This and the rest of my story will definitely be continued.

Key takeaways:
-Don’t have a steady boyfriend all through High School. Be friends with everyone. Experience things with everyone. You will regret all the things you missed out on later.
-Parents: be okay with being the escape goat for your kids. Establish a safe word to automatically be aware of emergency situations.
-TRUST YOUR GUT!

You are not alone. Better days are ahead. 🙂

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